7 Things You Should NEVER SAY to an Ex Boyfriend
It's virtually impossible not to put your foot in your mouth after a breakup. You'll talk to your ex. You'll text him. You'll say all sorts of things in order to get him back.
Unfortunately, you'll also say a whole bunch of stuff you'll regret later on. And some of these things? Well, they can totally destroy any chance you might've had of dating him again.
The following is a list of things you should NEVER say to an ex, especially if you're one day looking to be his girlfriend again.
1) That's Okay, We Can Still Be Friends
Wrong. You can't. Especially not right away, just after the two of you break up.
Consider this: your boyfriend is taking a big risk in dumping you. He could easily end up alone, and you could end up with someone else. This would make him the 'loser' of the breakup, and you the winner. And that's not what he wants.
So by staying "friends" with you? Your ex gets to see and hear from you. He gets to know what you're doing, whether or not you're vulnerable, and most of all, whether or not he can continue doing what he wants (and seeing other people!) because you're still hung up over him.
But when you're not his friend? And he doesn't know what your'e doing? Well, that's when he gets uncomfortable. And uncomfortable is exactly what you want.
Remember: you can NEVER GET HIM BACK from a position of friendship. Falling into the friend zone might get you physically close to him again, but mentally it's only going to put you further and further from his mind. He'll see you as more of a buddy and less of an actual romantic interest.
2) I Wish Things Would've Worked Between Us
This sounds innocent, right? But it's actually like begging. In reality, you're telling your boyfriend you still pine for him. You're still lamenting the loss of the relationship, and he's the king, and you're the lost little puppy-dog willing to follow him on the off chance he might or might not one day want you back.
Uh uh. You don't need that. You don't want that. Putting those thoughts in his head is only going to inflate his ego.
"Oh, she still wants me. I can get her back any time I want."
Know what that does? It lets him keep going on without you. Because when he feels secure in the knowledge you're not going anywhere, it gives him room (and time) to wander and play the field.
Never tell your boyfriend how you "wish" things could've been. You need to remain strong, and put on a strong front. Especially in the beginning stages of the breakup, you need to be a thousand-foot high, impenetrable wall of indifference.
3) I'm Sorry
Oh man! This is the worst. This is like saying "everything's my fault" and "you're great" and "I'm willing to let you have as much time and space as you need because I'm the one who screwed up, and now I'm lame and desperate to have you back".
Every guy kills to hear these words after breaking up with you. It's like you gave him a free pass - a reason for actually leaving the relationship. Any guilt he might've felt is gone. He's totally vindicated. He's won!
Saying you're sorry is like accepting FULL responsibility for the demise of your relationship. You're giving your ex boyfriend all of the power, and now you have ZERO.
Learn how to shift the balance of power in your favor in order to win him back. Only by acting from a position of power can you hope to make him need you again and reclaim your lost relationship.
4) I'll Step Back and Give You Your Space
Is that what he asked for? Space? Because if this is how your boyfriend broke things off with you, let me tell you what he really wants.
"I need space" is the catch-all, totally bullshit excuse for: "you sit here and wait for me while I date other girls, and if I can't find anyone I like (or after I've slept with a few other people), maybe I'll come back."
Space is for astronauts. Either this guy wants you as his girlfriend or he doesn't... those are the two absolutes in dating. Believe me, there's no middle ground. Giving "space" as some kind of lame compromise for him not breaking up with you is like sitting there just waiting to be cheated on.
NEVER tell your boyfriend you're willing to give him space. The second he starts up with that conversation, tell him "Nah, I don't 'do' space." Then: BREAK UP WITH HIM. That's right. By preemptively breaking things off right then and there you're effectively telling him not to even bother. That you won't be sitting around in some relationship limbo waiting for him to finish screwing around.
5) Maybe One Day We'll Be Dating Again
Know what this sounds like? Exactly: as if you're gonna sit around waiting for him.
Again, the most important part of fixing a breakup is making your boyfriend want and need you again. And in order to do that? You have to push him into the most uncomfortable position in the entire world: a place without you.
The second you're totally gone from his life is the exact second he starts missing you again. Not before. Never before.
By giving him the hope that "one day after we get everything out of our systems we can possibly be a couple again" you're essentially telling him "go on, date other girls, have as much fun as you want, and then call me when you're finished."
Now is that really what you want? No, I didn't think so.
6) We Can Still Hang Out Together (as Friends)
Sounds fantastic, right? Just you and your ex... chilling buddy-buddy on a Friday night, watching a movie, talking about life.
Pure fantasy.
The reality of the situation is a lot more terrifying: as your exboyfriend's new "friend", you'll get a front-row seat to all his dating activites. You'll have to watch, silently might I add, as he kisses, dates, and sleeps with other women.
Even worse? You'll have to be happy for him. After all, you're his F-R-I-E-N-D. And isn't that what friends do?
Also, how long do you think you can 'hang out' with your ex boyfriend before you start sleeping with him again? Probably not that long. In which case you'll be reading all sorts of things into it, while maybe to him, the sex means nothing. This leaves you hurt and him satisfied.
Worse, by getting all of the sexual satisfaction of your previous relationship while having NONE of the commitment, your boyfriend is now in relationship heaven. And while he's there? The last thing he'll want to do is change anything (i.e. by actually getting back together with you).
Still not convinced? Read this list of reasons why staying friends after the breakup actually reduces your chances of being his girlfriend again.
Go on, do it now. Because in many cases, this is THE single biggest factor contributing to why he hasn't gotten back together with you already.
7) I Don't Want Anyone Else But You
Right now, you probably don't. Your boyfriend is your entire world, and now that he's ripped that world away, all you can think about is how to get him back.
But you know what? You can't tell him that. You can't let your boyfriend see how infatuated you are with your previous relationship, especially to the point where you're not even willing to date other guys.
The fear of you dating other guys is one of the BIGGEST motivating factors for him to take you back. Because in the few days and weeks after the breakup, when your ex is trying to figure out if he did the right thing? The pressure of losing you for good - into the arms of another man - is the one thing that will hurry up his decision.
If you want your breakup to be over sooner rather than later, you NEVER want to give him this much power. You need to be his whole world in order for him to desire you, not the other way around.
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