Step Three: How to Make Him Miss You (So Bad He Needs You Back)
Before your boyfriend will take you back, he needs to see you as valuable and desirable again. But none of that can occur until something else very important happens: he has to miss you first.
Missing someone is a matter of time.
It's also a matter of distance, or seperation.
This means that the longer (time) you can steer clear of your ex boyfriend (distance)? The more he's going to start thinking about you again.
Missing someone is universally like that. The less you see of them, the more precious they become.
And if you've ever REALLY missed someone? It's probably because they were far away. Or maybe they were gone for a long period of time. Either way, your boyfriend expects to see you 'around' after he breaks up with you. Maybe he even thinks he'll communicate with you on some small level, like a few friendly texts or emails.
Every time you give him this? It's like you're pushing the RESET button on the "does he miss me?" timer. Every single contact, no matter how big or small, will feed your ex just that much more he needs to let go of you.
Shutting Your Ex Out of Your Life - On Every Single Level
For these reasons, it's crucial you let go. You can't call him, you can't text him, you can't drop by the place he works just to say 'hi'.
Want him back? Don't wish him a happy birthday. Don't ask him how his sister's wedding went. Don't call to see if he got that new job, or to congratulate him on that award.
NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT. And as hard as that is, it's the only way back into his heart.
"But if I stay out of my ex's life, won't he forget about me?
Actually, just the opposite is true. Your boyfriend dated you. That means you connected with him on mental and emotional and physical levels.
These connections weaken with time, and maybe years from now they'll be gone entirely. But when you FIRST lose somebody that was such a close-knit part of your life? Those connections grow temporarily stronger.
This is your window of opportunity, and unfortunately it doesn't last forever. This is why you need to make all the right moves when trying to get back your ex boyfriend, and at the same time, stay as far as you possibly can from making any of the wrong ones.
Your ex will miss you for a specific window of time, and it's up to you to act during exactly that window. If you time it just right, you can't even come on too strong.
Detaching From Your Normal Social Routine
Also important during the no contact phase; changing things up. Because no matter how close you were with your ex boyfriend, he's going to know your routines inside and out.
Rather than let him see you're doing the same old boring stuff, it's more interesting and intriguing to your ex when he hears you're doing something different. This leads him to believe you're living a new life, and that you're happier doing these things than the stuff you did while you were dating him.
That old friend you haven't called in forever? Call her. Or even him, as the case may be, because seeing you hang out and talk with another guy - even as a friend - is going to make your ex jealous in ways you never thought you could.
Remember those hobbies you had before you started dating? Pick them up again. Join a club, or a team, or even pick a night of the week to go out to a bar or club. Start mingling at work; get into a new circle of friends at the office and start doing stuff with them. Nothing will make your ex more curious about you than when he doesn't even know who these new people are that you've been hanging out with.
And if you don't think he's watching? You're wrong. Every guy likes to look back and know his ex girlfriend is just a little worse off without him. So when it looks like she's better off and thriving? It makes him question whether breaking up with you was what he really wanted after all.
Focus on Bettering Yourself in Every Way Possible
We've all seen an ex out in public and secretly hoped they looked like crap. That's because seeing someone worse off after losing you always makes you feel better about the person that you are.
Shallow? Totally. But it's human nature to feel this way. So get to the gym, start working out, and make sure you look absolutely AMAZING the next time your exboyfriend sees you again.
There's no excuse for sitting around when you could be bettering yourself. Exercise is not only good for your body, it's great for your mind too. It keeps you sharp. Focused. It releases endorphins that keep you happy and positive. These same chemicals can placate and sooth you whenever your ex is running through your mind.
Just as you had to physically attract your boyfriend to get him the first time, you'll need to do the same thing again. Get some new clothes, new shoes, a haircut - these things are superficial, but they help. In short, do whatever makes you feel the most confident. Because physical appearance aside, confidence will help tremendously in getting your ex to want you again.
Analyze The Beginning in Order to Recreate Your Past Relationship
This one sounds easy but it's actually quite hard. It requires you giving yourself an honest assessment of both yourself and your relationship, and then comparing that person to the one your boyfriend first fell in love with.
It's easy to change without knowing it. So think hard: were you more patient and forgiving in those first few weeks? If so, you'll need to be this patient again if you want to win him back.
Think back to your temperment. Were you a happier person in general back then? Willing to let small things go, rather than focus on them and pick unnecessary fights?
Over time, it's easy to get annoyed by one another. This happens to both men and women. We tend to blow things up depending on our mood, and squabble over things that are totally insignificant. These are things we easily let go of during the honeymoon/courtship portion of our relationship. And because of that, we're generally more cheerful.
By examining how you treated your boyfriend in the very beginning (the sweet things you did for him, the ones that made him happiest, etc...) you can focus on what it would take to recreate that person your boyfriend once feel head over heels in love with. Don't think of it as "changing" for him - you shouldn't ever have to change for anyone. Think of it more as going back to the way you once were.
Alright, at this point you're halfway there. It's time to shake things up:
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